| Description | An interview with Neerja JAIN, a Separated woman with one daughter, who is a Renal recipient transplantco-ordinator, born in India (Punjab) and now living in Birmingham. Neerja JAIN’s father was a Lecturer, born in India (Punjab) and her mother a Factory worker/housewife born in India (Punjab). In the interview, she talks about …
'MS2255/2/107 JAIN Neerja logged by Bernadette Shortt
01
I was born in 1965, in a village in India, the home of my maternal grandparents. I emigrated with my mother, 6 months after I was born. My father was already living in Handsworth Birmingham and we joined him.
20” Father’s family originally from Pakistan, however his parents died so he became an orphan, moved to the Punjab.
1.05 – Mother from Punjab, one of 10 children. Both parents are well educated.
2.30 – Both parents are free thinkers, open minded about how to bring up their children. I am one of 4 children, 3 sisters and 1 brother.
3.25 - No differences between treatment of boys and girls, it’s traditional that when boys are born Indian sweet dishes, called ludews, are distributed, my father distributed them when I was born. Some people thought that was weird. It summed up his philosophy quite well.
4.25 – Religious background – We are Jains, based around Buddhism and Hinduism. We are not a very religious family but we do celebrate the festival of Diwali.
02
We are vegetarians. Karma, Jain philosophy . . .. Basically what comes around goes around.
03
Early memories of Handsworth – First home – 3 bedroom terraced house, very cold. Electric blankets were one luxury that we had.
1.15 – Neighbourhood – Lots of Asian and Afro Caribbean people.
1.50 – We lived there for about 14/15 years. It was quite isolating living there but very secure.
04
School – Wilkes Green Infant school, Handsworth. Multicultural school. I had great admiration for my teachers, of the hippie area.
1.00 White middle class teachers never made us feel different.
1.20 Failed to pass my 11+
2.10 Parents and teachers still believed in me, “as long as you do your best is the right philosophy to have.”
04
Hamstead Hall Secondary school stayed for 2 years.
05
Moving to Harborne was an achievement. Attended Lordswood Girls School. Very different to Hampstead. Felt like I had come to a privileged middle class boarding school.
06
Racial mix at Lordswood – Predominantly a white school, only 3 out of 30 in my class were of mixed race. I felt self-conscious at first but it never became an issue. 1.00 - Embarrassment – Mother arriving at school in Handsworth dressed in Punjabi traditional dress. Speaking to your parents in Punjabi was awful as well.
1.35 - Changes in Birmingham – compliment on traditional dress, Indian food very popular in Britain.
2.15 - I speak 3 languages other than English, Hindi, Punjabi, and Urdu.
2.35- I remember living in Handsworth being called a Paki but my daughter never has never been called that.
07
Aware of racial differences growing up.
30” It’s become politically incorrect to be publicly racist.
1.20 – It’s not as apparent today, its more discrete. Sometimes I would prefer it if people would just say something to my face then I will know where I stand.
2.00 – I have never experienced covert racism but my friends have.
08
Being a teenager – I was a good teenager, very shy, lacking in confidence in my academic abilities.
1.40 Making the most of your looks.
2.10 – Teenage social life – Didn’t go out that much, social life was within the family going to weddings etc.
09
I left school with 7 O’levels and 2 A’levels. I went into nurse training for 3 years in the mid 80s.
0.50 – Living away from home – Learned to appreciate family.
2.00 – Felt I had found my niche, loved the interaction with people.
10
I finished my nurse training in 1988. I wanted to come back to Birmingham.
1.0 - Started off as staff nurse on a transplant ward. Staff shortages were apparent.
2.05 – Transplants had been taking place for 13/14 years.
2.50 – Moved around different departments within the hospital.
3.10 – Undertook a teaching course, felt the need to teach patients about their illness.
3.35 – Started an Open University course, just felt that a degree was important.
11
Finished Psychology in Healthcare degree.
40” Here I was in my 30s and my family were so proud that I had got my degree. It was by far the most difficult way of getting a degree being a single parent.
1.50 – Undertook a renal course to consolidate knowledge, finished that by 1992.
2.50 – Applied for sister’s post, when I was 7 months pregnant.
3.50 – Parents looked after my daughter while I worked shifts.
4.30 – Being aware from my daughter so much made me realise the need for quality time with her.
12
Relationship with daughter – story about working Christmas holidays.
13
Remained an F grade sister for about 5 years (1992 – 1997).
1.25 – June 1997 obtained brand new post as addressing education and support needs of patients.
3.05 – Describes importance of this role.
14
Describes job – very little routine, not mundane.
1.05 – I talk to other professionals at other hospitals about the importance of my job.
2.10 – Invited to conferences around the world.
2.30 – Educational role, informing people about transplants
3.00 – Carried out media interviews.
3.50 – Organ retention – Crucial difference between organ retention and organ donation.
4.25 – Public losing faith in transplants, it will mean fewer people will come forward, as donors will.
15
Alder Hey Case – organ retention – Organs were removed without consent.
20” Difference between organ donation and retention. Organ donation is where a person has died, been on a life support machine, consent has been obtained from the next of kin as to what organs will be donated.
1.0 – My job involves working with people waiting for organs rather than obtaining consent.
16
Job is very fulfilling
NHS – supportive trust, which acknowledges the work that we are doing.
1.16 – I won a national achievement award a few years ago along with two good practice awards.
1.55 – Work place is stressful though.
2.40 – dealing with stress.
3.00 – Becoming emotionally involved with patients – You try not to become involved with patients but if it does happen you have to deal with it in a rationalised way.
3.48 – Structure of workday.
17
Structure of day continued.
18
Arranged marriages– Parents were open minded, discussed arranged marriages, marriage by introduction by parents, friends etc. I quite liked the idea at first, met different suitors. There was no obligation on me, I trusted my parents implicitly. I had seen arranged marriages work.
2.05 – Marriage – I had a naïve approach to marriage, “I felt that as long as in your heart you felt that this was right and you worked at it the love would conquer all.”
2.45 – Describes various unhappy relationships.
3.45 – As individuals we weren’t suited.
4.40 – Wasn’t happy that one gender should dictate over the other and control what I do.
19
Making decision to split with my husband
1.45 Felt that being a single parent would be more beneficial to my daughter.
2.45 – Children need stability
3.00 – Describes personality of daughter.
4.00 – “I feel that my role as a mother and what I have in bringing my daughter up is my greatest achievement.”
20
Describes family environment in which to bring up daughter. Very proud of daughter . . .. Beat Grandfather at chess.
21
Parents live in a 5-bedroom house in Harborne.
30” Spending time with parents.
1.15 – Stressed buying your own property. Bought my own house in Harborne with their help.
Single parent’s representation in the media - Bad publicity about how single parents reap off the state and don’t work . . . I know some have no option because of childcare problems.
22
Asian single parent – Years ago there was a stigma attached to this.
20” More people acknowledging that arranged marriages don’t work.
1.30 – Position of Asian women 20 years ago was very different.
2.20 – Modern Asian women’s attitude – “This is one life, there is no dress rehearsal, although we know our parents mean well society is changing, we are living in a different society so that’s why things aren’t working.”
3.25 – It is much better to come out of a community than to stay in a marriage where your self esteem is lowered, where your needs come at the bottom of the list.
4.15 – I see myself as a British Indian because I have virtually grown up here. Proud of both cultures.
23
Two separate wardrobes – Indian clothes and British clothes.
40” Sovereignty of the individual is a wonderful philosophy.
1.25 – Individual within a network of a close knit family.
2.00 – Discussion of family support through the hard times.
2.35 – “I am more happy and fulfilled than I could have ever have imagined as a single parent which is the irony of it.”
3.20 – Comparing daughter’s life with my own.
4.00 – Differences between daughter’s school and own education.
24
School days – Assemblies were important
30” Daughter gets mutual respect for all religions.
2.00 – Encourage daughter to have boys as friends.
2.40 – I will not inflict an arranged marriage on my daughter.
3.00 – Discusses daughter’s relationships in the future.
25
Daughter recognises Indian aspects of her identity, likes dressing up in Indian clothes. She has learnt to speak Punjabi, loves Bollywood movies etc.
2.05 – She can be Indian or British if she wants.
2.50 – Conscious of dark complexion, dark hair etc at a young age. Barbie story . . .. Someone who was beautiful was someone who was blonde and blue eyes. Bollywood beauty was the equivalent ideal.
26
Influence of technology – I remember getting our first telephone, the same day that Elvis Presley died, summer 1977, I was 12. It was quite expensive so we didn’t stay on to long.
1.40 – Discussion of technological advances.
4.00 – Dangers of email and text messages.
27
Leisure Time – Family outings, inviting friends over, playing with my daughter.
28
Watching TV – I love documentary programmes, Bollywood movies. Bollywood music touches me emotionally more than any other type of music.
Travel – Travel broadens the horizons.
29
Birmingham – Its home, great cultural diversity, theatre shows, shops, restaurants catering for different cuisine. Walking in town you hear a lot of foreign accents which is lovely.
30
Health – Father’s interest in science sparked off interest in medicine.
1.10 – We can all do our bit to be healthy.
1.30 – Increase in degenerative diseases like heart disease, cancers.
1.45 – I am health freak, have a balanced diet, walking, exercise.
31
Education – I am currently doing a Masters in Healthcare Ethics and Law.
40” Lifelong learning is something to be valued . . .. It can enrich your whole outlook on life; there isn’t one particular perspective.
ENDS |