| Description | An interview with Ruhana, a Other woman with three boys, two girls, who is a Day Centre Manager, born in Pakistan and now living in Birmingham. Ruhana’s father was a Ret. Labourer, born in Pakistan and her mother a Housewife born in Pakistan. In the interview, she talks about …
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Parents migrated from Pakistan in 1960. 3 sisters. Born in 1956. Moved to Buckinghamshire. Only Asian family in that area. Experienced language difficulties at school and cultural barriers.
3.35 Enjoyed primary school but had problems in secondary school. Father did labour work. Too proud to ask for assistance. Ruhana helped to decorate the house.
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In the mid 1960s more Asian families moved to the area. Parents were strict.
1.55 When I was in my secondary school…they had something to talk about, the girls, “oh we did this or that”, and what did you do ? Nothing. You did the chores around the house….there was nothing exciting going on in your life. Sister left home, broke away from the restrictions. Now family are reconciled.
3.43 Because of what my sister had done, I suffered the repercussions. Because we left that town to come to Birmingham. Parents said, “Birmingham is a very cheap city….all the community is there, you’ll get so much”. We came here for a friend’s wedding and thought, “What a dump!”
4.43 My parents had made up their mind, they were going to move. We came in 1972. They disrupted my education, because at that time I was doing my O’levels.
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Describes school in Buckinghamshire.
1.39 Moved into lodgings in Handsworth with family friends. By now there were 3 more siblings. Found a home in Small Heath area. Attended Golden Hillock Secondary School.
3.03 I found it such a difference. It was a mixed school, very Asian…you thought you had barriers with the white European community, you had barriers with your own community….I’m thinking, I’m so ignorant to all that. So it became a learning process to me…I was classed as a snob.
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Describes the youth culture during the late 60s.
35” Mixed with an Afro-Caribbean girl at school because they had shared experiences of being different.
2.22 Contrasts Birmingham with Buckinghamshire.
3.34 Coming to Birmingham, the job market, the exploitation of the Asian women was unbelievable. Because of what my sister had done, my parents said, “By the time Ruhana leaves school we have got to get her married off”. They were not aware of their rights in this country, in terms of when you’re 18 you can do what you want to do.
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I was shocked to see the behaviour of the Asian girls, to see how forward they really were. How hypocritical they were. It was a culture shock…my friend….she used to invite her boyfriend up in her bedroom she used to share with her sister….and they used to get away with it!
2.45 Wanted to become a teacher but didn’t have the opportunity.
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School uniform in Buckinghamshire. Required to wear skirts at school. In Birmingham a lot more understanding with cultural dress restrictions. We tried to mix the Asian fashion with the Western fashion.
3.00 Asian families in Buckinghamshire were close-knit. Gossip was rife.
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Contrasts religious habits in Buckinghamshire with Birmingham.
1.26 I never attended the mosque in Birmingham because we were too old then, too old to go out. I was the only one who read the scriptures in Arabic, the other sisters weren’t that keen…I thought if I did this, this would happen, because that was what I’d been taught by my parents….
3.15 Inequality in the Asian community. Preference of boys over girls.
4.27 We didn’t have much of a social life, my parents were struggling, bringing up 6 kids….I used to get Mills & Boon novels….you would daydream, I want to marry for love, I always wanted to know what it was like to be in love. I still do want to know what it is like…
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Muses on what constitutes love.
1.26 My father was ill….had a nervous breakdown. My mother was influenced by her mother….I think things were all right until my nan came…..that’s when the conflict started…she brought all the traditional ideas into the home…
3.16 Birmingham was quite advanced with this arranged marriage thing. You saw the boy, you met him, and if you didn’t like him you could refuse. I didn’t have that choice. I was 16, I had to leave school in the Summer. After that I just lost heart. I became depressed, I had nothing to look forward to….They arranged a marriage to a man who was a lot, lot older than me. I feel now that they never thought about my welfare, they thought of the material side of it….As soon as I turned 17 they married me off….I didn’t know what the concept of marriage was…He had money, I’d never want for anything….
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Parents persuaded her to agree to the marriage.
1.14 Sister did not attend the wedding. She chose her own partner and is now very happy.
2.15 I was a virgin. That night I cried my eyes out, I locked myself in the toilet. We were in a dingy old flat, (and this is a person who’s got money). He had a shop downstairs. The wedding night he opened the shop….the next day I was working in the shop…I felt disgusted with myself. I felt dirty.
4.10 Discovered later that husband already had a wife and 3 children.
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After 2 months left the home and ran away. Family found her and brought her back.
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1.20 Grandmother sent the benefit money to her sons in Pakistan.
4.01 Husband dominated her economically and she was given very little to live on.
4.37 Describes visit to Pakistan.
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Husband arrived later in Pakistan. Didn’t want to return to him. Felt his family were not accepting of her. However, liked the environment.
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Became pregnant and decided not to pursue a divorce. Moved into their own home. Parents moved back to Buckinghamshire.
2.31 Had 3 children: born in 1976.1978 and 1980.
3.14 Met another man in 1980 when the house was being decorated.
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Husband found a regular full-time job and left the shop. Through meeting this other man, she rediscovered a love of studying. He was younger and it was very difficult because she was a married mother of 3 children.
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Continues story about meeting this man. Husband discovered affair and forgave her. Spent 6 months in Buckinghamshire and then returned to Birmingham. Made a decision to leave husband.
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Continues to discuss husband and family. Children were affected by separation. Moved into a maisonette in a poor area.
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Got advice from solicitor who suggested she move back home. She did, but lived separately. Got separation order and was declared homeless. Council accommodated her.
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The emotional support wasn’t there, especially for Asians…I had to do everything myself. I was ridiculed, called names. I was called a prostitute….
Obtained divorce through legal aid. Later husband remarried.
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Discusses ex-husband’s religious beliefs.
Became estranged from family.
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Financial difficulties. Found a job part-time as a care assistant in a private nursing home in Moseley. Encouraged to obtain a professional care qualification.
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32” Still couldn’t manage so I had to look for another job. I found it in a newspaper: Social services, Asian community, 2 days a week.
Started working in 1992.
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Discusses how the children coped with a mother working full-time.
Worked within two different communities. Felt public sector was much more understanding of family responsibilities.
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I see the development that’s gone on in Birmingham….it is a beautiful city because of the diversity of cultures….you don’t have to have the same upbringing or the same religion, but the experiences are similar…
ENDS
Logged by Lorraine Blakemore |